Overwrought (and over-written) reviews of the restrooms of restaurants in the San Francisco Bay Area

Table and Throne

Victory Burger


Yelp says: 3.5 stars, 49 reviews

Location:  North Oakland (*ahem* Emeryville)

The food:  Let’s just say this up front - Victory Burger serves a killer basket of mixed fries and pickles. The veggie burger was notable for the grilled onions and sweet sauce.  I knocked back a swell bottle of Fentiman’s Curiosity Cola that totally made me happy.

Restaurant atmosphere:  Very good.  Victory Burger has an Oakland hipster / foodie vibe with a pleasant, unified visual aesthetic.  The outdoor seating was rad…except for the smoker on the corner.  Victory Burger, get your managers out there and doing something about that shit. 

Service:  This is good, fast casual.  Order your food at the register.  Bus your own damn table.   Be happy that you’re in an awesome little burger joint  in California and not at Taco Bell in Michigan.

Table rating: My restaurant review for North Oakland’s Victory Burger is a rocking 4 stars.  It was a notable meal.  I’m definitely going back to try the veggie arepas and the smoky braised greens that the East Bay Express have raved about.


Size:  Comfortably large.  I had no problem doing a little dance or practicing my badass martial arts moves in front of the mirror.  I assume you will not have any problem either, should you attempt these activities.

Decor:  There is some minimal consistency with the main restaurant, but not notably so.  I liked the chrome highlights at the ceiling, the bold red door and the simple white wall tile.  The Oakland-style graffiti tags were unimpressive, as was the generic flooring material.  I appreciate a thoughtful restauranteur who provides a “spare roll” of toilet paper, but just setting it on the wall-mounted support bar is tacky.   The highlight of the restroom experience was the defaced “wash your hands” sign.  While it shows the owner/manager/staff just doesn’t care that much…replacing any word with “butt” is almost always good for a jr high style laugh from me.

Temperature:  Just fine.  

Cleanliness:  Ok, except for the gag-inducing wad of wet toilet paper on the floor.

Toilet paper:  Passable, but just barely good enough for my admittedly high standards.

Music:  None.  But I could imagine the staff listening to Tame Impala or Beach House while they washed their hands and contemplated their thick, impressive beards and neck tattoos.

Other:  At first I was going to be charitable and bump up my final rating for this restroom, because the space is shared with The Actual Cafe around the corner.  Shared restrooms are a generally problematic for restauranteur, as they have less control of the overall aesthetic vision and customer experience.  But then I learned that Victory Burger and The Actual Cafe are owned by the same dude.   So no freebies for you in this review, Sal Bednarz.  Step it up, ‘cause otherwise you got a great thing going here and I know you can do better!

Throne rating: My restroom review for Victory Burger is a low-to-average 2.5 stars.

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oakland east bay emeryville victory burger burger veggie burger french fries restaurant review restaurant restroom fentiman's graffiti toilet paper